“Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the King, even though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish.” Esther 4:16
No Thank You
Growing up in the church I’ve heard a lot about fasting. For those of you who don’t know, fasting is the practice of going hours or days without food as a way of reaching spiritual enlightenment, or sometimes to help detox your body from physical ailments. Its been a practice for thousands of years for people in and outside of the church.
For Christians it is a way to remove things from your life so you can focus on prayer and communion with God. There are many different ways to fast and not all of them require giving up food. Sometimes its media, or a game, or dating, or giving up only one type of food for an extended period of time. All of this with the idea to remove distractions so you can focus on your relationship with God.
I have always approached the topic of Fasting with fear and excuses.
“Oh I can’t do that because of my medical condition….”
“Oh I can’t do that because I NEED facebook for work….”
“Oh I can’t fast because….”
You get the idea. So I would do the typical “fast” from social media for lent, or give up chips for 40 days, or something, but I never understood or grasped the purpose behind fasting, praying and spending time with God.
Community Helps
In September I started attending the School of Transformation with my church, All Peoples in San Diego. It has changed me in so many ways and I truly have been transformed! God has healed my knee, he has anointed me with new gifts, I’ve experienced inner healing, and freedom like I never have before, and yet there is so much more he has for me!
So when our pastor came to speak to us about Fasting in January I was nervous but ready! I wanted to experience a new level of my relationship with God! As a class we were going to do a 10 day fast, but it wasn’t required, we were just invited to participate if we would like to, and we could fast in whatever way we felt led, whether fasting from food completely drinking only water, or do partial fasts or media.
I prayed about it and I strongly felt like I needed to fast from Social Media and Instant Streaming (Netflix, Prime, and Hulu). This was a big deal because I spend majority of my time binge watching shows on Netflix and it was seriously unhealthy. I also felt that a total food fast would be dangerous for me, so I did the Daniel fast, which is only fruits and veggies, water, and whole grains. Easy peasy!
Day 1: Reflections
First of all the first night of my fast I fell asleep almost instantly then woke up at 7am feeling totally refreshed. Guys I have had insomnia and poor sleep my entire life. I don’t ever remember having slept that well before! And this was day 1! Anyways, I spent the first day of my fast writing down everything big that had happened to me throughout my life. Reflecting on God’s hand upon me. As I did this I noticed some things:
God was always there
No matter if things were going badly or not, I saw how God’s hand was working in the midst of it.
He has spoken promises over me
There have been small promises spoken over my life throughout the years, even in times when I didn’t see it, it was a small whisper that was always there.
I’ve had an amazing adventure
My life has been AWESOME!!! I’ve done so much more than I thought, and its just the coolest story ever! Others might not think so, but I think God has given me the best adventure ever! Thanks God!
Day 2: Strongholds
Day two I again slept great and woke up refreshed. I started my day off pretty good, even got a lot of reading done for my class and was really productive with laundry and cleaning my house.
Around 3:00pm I was hit rather suddenly with extreme nausea and dizziness. I could barely hold up my head or hold myself together. I thought I was going to pass out. I had just been reading this book called Victory Over Darkness that was speaking about strongholds in our life that we don’t even know are there.
Totally confused and lost I turned off all noise and laid out on my back and did some deep breathing and began to speak to God. I asked him to reveal to me what strongholds had taken hold of me. As I lay there I heard God’s voice in my head and he started to show me things.
Let it go
He showed me TV shows that I had been watching for quite some time that were full of darkness and were allowing evil strongholds to come into my life. He said that these strongholds were manifesting in physical ways and the only way for me to be rid of them is to stop watching these shows. He asked me to let go of them and allow Him to heal me.
I readily agreed. Even though I may feel the desire to watch them again I will pray for strength to resist that urge.
Side Note: I am not going to name the shows that he told me not to watch because its not exactly the point, and I’m not saying these shows are evil and no one should watch them. I think God gives everyone their own convictions and these were mine. So please don’t take offense to what I’m saying and just keep in mind this is my personal story and I can only tell my truth not yours.
New eyes
He then gave me a list of shows he would allow me to watch but he was going to give me new eyes to see with and he is going to reveal to me certain things within these shows that I should be aware of. I was happy about this because they were all my favorites. lol
Free
When this was all over I opened my eyes and the dizziness and nausea were COMPLETELY GONE!!! It was wild!
I haven’t had an encounter like that in a long time and I felt empowered and free and peaceful! And I could finally eat something! lol
Day 3: Confirmation
On day 3 I took some time to read more of Victory Over Darkness. It spoke about walking through forgiveness towards others, and I did the practices they outlined. It was actually a really awesome exercise!
That evening I had class and I had so many things spoken to me!
Bye Bye Insomnia
My friend Courtney said that God was healing my insomnia and to press into that! at that point I had three full nights of refreshing sleep with great dreams which I’ve never had before! So I totally believed her!
Forgiveness
While we were worshiping I felt God saying that he is healing my relationships through forgiveness.
Faithful
That night I had the words Faith and Faithfulness spoken over me four different times. Hmmmm…. maybe he was trying to tell me something.
Intercessor
The topic that night was about Intercession, basically the act of an amplified prayer life! Really contending for others and yourself through prayer. The speaker actually looked at me directly and said that I was an intercessor and she prayed over me and said that I was a harvester, who was going to pray and intercede for people groups around the world.
Deuteronomy 8:2
The Bible verse Deuteronomy 8:2 was highlighted to me and I have been repeating it to myself since:
“and you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God had led you these 40 years in the wilderness that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your hearts, whether you would keep his commandments or not.”
I have been in a wilderness season and just need to remember he will get me through!
Day 4: Tongues
Okay disclaimer: I have always been back and forth about the Spiritual Gift of Tongues. I’ve been in situations where it has been used incorrectly, and also I was raised pretty small church presbyterian so the gift of tongues has always been a little weird to me. But here’s the thing that I’ve learned throughout the years, that the gift of tongues is not supposed to be this big scary thing, that it is merely a love language between us and the father. In the scriptures it is sometimes referred to as the spirit language. It is one of the only personal gifts of the Father. Unless there is interpretation it should not be spoken in public, but rather its a private language you speak when your human heart can’t put english words to your thoughts. So that’s my two cents worth about tongues.
Now after saying all of that I came to this realization that my “fear” about tongues was that I was constantly thinking I was going to receive it in a public setting, but instead maybe I should ask for it in my secret place with Jesus.
So as I was at home alone praying I finally opened up my hands and asked God to give me the gift of tongues. And guys he did and it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life!
Peace
I always thought of tongues with a hesitation and fear, but when it started happening to me all I could feel was peace! I felt peace flow over me from my head to my toe and my entire body relaxed. I was full of this light and I felt free!
No interpretation
I still have no idea what I was saying but it felt like my soul, my heart was speaking for me so it didn’t matter that I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t think in english. I couldn’t speak in english. I was speaking from a place deep inside of me that I didn’t know was there and it was like releasing everything that I had ever been holding onto. I still don’t know what I said, but those 30 minutes I felt more peace than I’d ever felt before.
Day 5: When things don’t go your way, sometimes it’s God trying to show you where to go
Sorry for the long title but its the only way to describe what happened that day! Because there were so many twists and turns but all of them were so full of grace!
Setback #1
I had woken up that day ready to take a walk at Sunset Cliffs, my favorite spot! But as I was getting ready my sister calls me urgently asking if I can do a huge favor for her. I said sure because I wasn’t in a rush anyways. So I plan to bring her wallet to her then head to take my walk after that.
Setback #2
I step outside and it’s raining. The one day it rains is the one day I want to go on a walk outside. Okay whatever universe.
Promise #1
As I’m driving I get multiple text messages from my friends from School saying:
“Keep pressing in. God is your healer.”
“Praise before your breakthrough”- a song by Bethel Church
“Peace in the midst of unknown. Even though you can’t see God’s work, he is doing things beyond your understanding.”
“Abundance! Abundance in faith, trust, finances. He is Faithful!”
Promise #2
I had been going through some really serious financial hardships and that week I had $20 in my bank account. When I arrived to my sister she says she is giving me some money as a thank you for running the errand! It wasn’t a lot, but it was a small promise from God that he was taking care of me!
Setback #4
I’m starting towards Sunset Cliffs to find a coffee shop to park myself in. Then my friend calls me and we decide since I’m in the area and she has time we would go see the apartment we wanted to look at. So okay another change of plans.
Setback #5
I go to Coffee Bean down the road to park myself. I get there and there is no table available for me to sit at. Bummer! So I grab my coffee and try to think of how to kill time.
Promise #3
I realize I’m near the office I used to work at and think it would be great to see everyone. So I go spend time with some old friends and catch up, just affirming me that I am exactly where God wants me to be.
Then Tia and I go and see the house. It was good to get a chance to see somewhere we might want to live and also talk about what we really want.
Promise #4
As we are sitting in the car talking and praying, Tia starts encouraging me saying that abundance is coming and God is going to provide. Then out of the blue she takes cash out of her wallet and says that God was prompting her to give that to me.
Promise #5
After I cry, and we part ways, I start to drive away, thanking God for what he has provided for me. I drive to the bank to deposit the money and just feel God’s peace and provision over me.
Promise and Setback #6
This is both because I wanted to go to the Library to spend some more time with God but I felt him prompting me to go to The Living Room, a great cafe near church. When I arrive there my faith in the little things starts to rise just a little, as I see a parking spot open up just as I get there! Praise God!
Faith in the Little
Sometimes life doesn’t always turn out the way we want. Sometimes our days deviate so far from the plan that it can seem frustrating. But sometimes the only way to get our attentions is to change the plans. Trusting God is a balancing act between really opening up our hands to him and allowing him to take full control but still trying to keep some control for ourselves.
God didn’t give me thousands of dollars that day, but he gave me exactly what I needed to get food and gas for that week! See He sees everything, and He knows that I didn’t need all my debts paid right away, but I needed to be able to trust him in the little!
The Mountains We Face 