“and you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these 40 years in the Wilderness that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart whether you would keep his commandments or not.” Deuteronomy 8:2
Continued…..
Day 6: Prayer Warriors
On day 6 of my fast I had to face a difficult situation. I had been having exams and doctor’s appointments because there was a possibility that a lump they found might be cancer. I was wrought with anxiety but I was determined to do it alone, like I had done all my life. But as I was open with my friends about some fears I was having, one of them offered to come to the appointment with me.
No thanks I’m fine
I wrote a blog post a while ago about how its okay to not be okay and to find the people who care. I have to learn my own lessons all the time. When my friend offered to be by my side for the appointment, I felt fear, insecurity, and pride well up inside of me.
“I don’t need anyone, I can do it all alone!”
“I’m not weak! I’m strong! And Independent!”
“I’m fine!”
“If I ask for help, or for someone to hold my hand, then they will think I’m just a big baby!”
Breaking down my pride
As my old excuses started welling up, as the fear started to boil over, I felt God whisper to me in my soul.
“I have placed people in your life for a reason. Stop being afraid to use them to comfort you.”
As I lay in bed I let these words wash over me and realized that I had been the one standing in the way of my own comfort. I was the one pushing them away. I was the one keeping them from caring for me in the way they wanted to. So I broke down my pride and I texted Mary.
Guys, this was one of the simplest, but hardest things I’ve ever done. As I sent that simple little text asking her to accompany me to the scariest appointment of my life, I felt like I was pushing against a brick wall, and tears were streaming down my face.
Pride is sneaky. It lays brick and mortar piece by piece into our lives, until we don’t even know its there. The only way we can see the wall that Pride has built is when we run into it! As we try to break it down with our hands, we get cuts, and bruises, but in the end the wall is down and we are free.
Breaking down my pride was hard but sooooo good!
No Cancer…. I think….
The beautiful part about having Mary come to the appointment with me was her showering me with prayer and words of encouragement so as I went in to the doctor’s office I felt peace and ready to hear whatever she had to say. Even though the tests looked normal the doctor was still concerned and couldn’t give me a confident answer about what it could be so sent me to a specialist.
The thing was that because I had a friend there with me, I had the opportunity to process with someone after the appointment, talk about my disappointments and my feelings. I didn’t have to drive home alone and dwell in my thoughts. I didn’t have to freak out and come up with the worst case scenarios because I had someone there fighting along with me.
Whispers of love
As I reflected later on I listened to the lessons God was trying to show me. Here were the things I felt He said:
“It’s okay to feel uneasy or worried as long as you are bringing it to me.”
“I am taking care of things”
“All I ask is that you be still before me.”
A week later I saw the specialist and finally was given an answer for what was going on and was reassured. It was a benign condition, and was NOT CANCER!!! Hallelujah!!!! Thank you Jesus for all your provision and care!!
Day 7: Fire
On Day 7 I took time to reflect on what had been doing in my life. I went on a walk at Sunset Cliffs and just was reminded of the goodness and might of God by the crashing of the waves!
I prayed for specific areas of my life and as I was praying I was struck with this sudden desire and need to pray for this nation! This nation is on the verge of a revival! A cry for reform, a desire for something more than what they have. I can see light trying to break through the darkness and I can see transformation happening!
God put me in San Diego for a reason! I was suddenly on fire for this City! I was in love with the people here! I was praying hard to see the people in this City to receive all the blessings and desires of their heart! I was just in awe of the power of my God!
Day 8: Anticipation for the Future
On day 8 I had a restlessness that I could not shake. It started off small but then grew and grew. I couldn’t sit still, or focus on anything. I was jumping up and pacing around my house, listening to worship music and just trying to help my soul to be still and wait on God!
As I prayed I felt some things stirring in my heart.
Anticipation for the future
“I am about to reward you tenfold. You are going to get everything you dreamed of, everything you hoped for, everything you prayed for. You will never have to worry again. There is great rejoicing coming soon, but I want you to always remember this moment. I want you to remember the place where you always needed me. This was such a sweet season for you and I want you to sit these next few days so that you always remember who gave you all the good things. Just rest in me. I’m taking care of it.”
Thank you God for this amazing time of my life where I needed to lean on you. I pray that it never ends, no matter how much money or luxury I have in this life!
Day 9: I will guide you across the waters.
I woke up on Day 9 from a beautiful dream.
There was a war going on and so many things were happening. I found my way to an island. On the water all around me in the dark were different colored lines leading away from the island with names of roads written on them. I was looking for a way off and feeling overwhelmed when I looked up and saw Jesus standing on the water. He glowed with an amazing light as he reached his hands out to me. He said “This is the roadmap of your life. As long as you keep your eyes on me I will guide you across the waters.”
The greatest comfort
That day ended up being one of the hardest days. I could feel a depression fall over me, and I had a rough day at work, then still suffered with fears about my upcoming doctor appointment (this was before I found out it wasn’t cancer), and had so much pressure about my finances. Through all of it I clung to God’s promise to me and I brought my weaknesses to him letting him comfort me. Even though I slept terrible that night, I knew that the coming morning was going to change things.
Day 10: the North Star and Sea Turtles
On day 10 I had some of the most amazing words spoken to me and it started a week of amazing insight. That morning I had breakfast with a new friend. As we encouraged and poured into each other she said some words I wouldn’t forget.
North Star
She said that Jesus was my North star. She said that I knew where my true north was and that I would never go astray no matter what life threw my way. Keep my eyes on Jesus and he would guide me.
Leigh did not know about my dream when she said that. She just felt it in her heart and needed to say it. It was like confirmation for my dream.
Sea Turtles
That evening at class I had several things spoken to me:
- John 4:39, the story of the woman at the well. Her testimony brought an entire village to believe in Jesus. I was told that my story would change lives and that I would be used for his glory.
- God is using me for his glory through media, and he is walking me through a new place of purity (This was all exactly what God has been speaking to me for the last year!)
- Sea Turtles
Okay so I have to explain the sea turtle thing. The day I had my dream about the island I was having a conversation with my best friend and we randomly started talking about turtles. I then told her the fascinating thing about sea turtles is how they can be born in the sand without any parents, but will instinctively know to go to the sea and will find their families hundreds of miles away in the sea! They follow instinct to find their home.
On Tuesday night a friend of mine was praying and she turned to me and said these words:
“Anna I am seeing a picture in my mind right now of a baby sea turtle being born in the sand. When it is born it instinctively knows to follow the light to the water where they will find their home. Jesus is the light that you instinctively know to follow and you will always find your home in him.”
I was blown away! She had no idea that I had been talking about that exact thing the day before!
Here is the thing! God knows our hearts, God knows our desires, and sometimes he uses strange ways to speak to us!
Enduring Faith
Over the next few days after my fast officially ended I continued to experience the amazing power and reassurance of God! It wasn’t over!
- Wednesday: I looked up the meaning of Sea Turtles. They mean Endurance, Patience, and Longevity.
- Thursday: My mom randomly called me and mentioned something about wanting me to go into full time ministry. I brushed it off and made excuses of why that couldn’t happen.
- Friday: Leigh said that the night before she had a dream that there was a baby Sea Turtle she was helping guide to the water.
- Saturday: I was going out to my car to get dinner and there was a beautiful sunset. On the car next to me was a Sea Turtle sticker. As I drove away I was concerned about the money I had in my wallet. I had planned on giving it as a tithe but with no time to go home I needed to purchase dinner. I went to In-n-out and got food for under $5. As I was driving I apologized for spending my tithe money. As I was in the car I felt God speak softly to me. “Anna I never wanted your money. All I ever wanted was you.” I started to cry as I felt God’s love. Later that evening I felt strongly like he was calling me into full-time ministry. I didn’t know what that would look like or what it meant but I felt excited and at peace about it.
- Sunday: The speakers talked about….. ENDURING FAITH. Sea Turtles= Endurance. Enduring Faith is walking through hardships but continuing to believe that God is good and God is God, and that no matter what the outcome those things will never change. It was a complete confirmation for what I had been going through and what God was calling me into. I know that no matter what He is still God and He is still Good.
Intimacy with Him
Through all of this, through these ten days of giving up meat and fatty foods, of turning off my TV, netflix, and social media, I learned something so important; intimacy with God is sweeter than anything else I want in this world. Spending my entire day focused on Him, praying, reading His Word, and hearing his small whispers in my soul filled me up to an overflow! I’ve never felt so at peace, so full of faith, so ALIVE in my life!
Fasting used to seem so scary to me. Now I understand how simple but profound it is! Fasting is about letting go of everything to focus on the most important thing….. HIM!
Thank you God for this sweet opportunity! Thank you for the amazing things you did my life these last two weeks! I can’t WAIT to see what you have in store for me!
The Mountains We Face 