Everyone Gets Sad, What Makes you Different?

“You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one.” John 8:15

“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: Love your neighbor as yourself. If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” Galatians 5:14-15

 

We were called to love each other on this world and not hate each other. There is so much hatred, especially in regards to mental illness. Just know this, you are loved! 

“Everyone gets sad. You just need to be more positive.”

“Stop being so sensitive. You’re over-reacting.”

“There are others who have it so much worse, so stop complaining.”

“You’re faking it to get attention.”

When you think about anxiety and depression, what are some things that come to mind? Do you think its real or fake? Do you dismiss your own feelings of dread, fear, extreme nervousness, debilitating despair, fearing the backlash you’ll receive if you tell your family and friends?

Please know that you are not alone. Also know that these misconceptions and stigmas don’t need to hold you back from seeking help and knowing the truth.

 

Misconception #1:

“Everyone gets sad, you just need to think more positive.”

You’re not really depressed. You’re just thinking too negatively, just change your thoughts to be more positive.

TRUTH

Your feelings of sadness are valid and there is treatment out there to help you break free from it. 

When I am having a bad depression day, it feels like just the act of getting out of bed will take all the energy I have in my body. Its like a great weight on me. But then the more I lay there, the more my thoughts can spiral, and pretty soon I feel like crying for no reason, I feel hopeless, like there’s nothing I can do, and pretty soon I find myself laying in bed, drained of all energy, unable to move, and in a state of numb indifference.

This is different than just “feeling sad”. Trying to “think positive” is much more difficult, and every time I try to think of something positive, there’s a little voice inside of me telling me why that’s stupid, and filling me with despair. Its like a war going on inside my mind.

If you feel like your feelings are outside of the norm, or that they are affecting your day to day life, I encourage you to speak up and seek help! There are many organization that can offer you treatment!

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America website is a good resource to find help. Visit adaa.org for more information.

 

Misconception #2:

“Stop being so sensitive you’re just over-reacting.”

Many people without anxiety see a person who is overly emotional for no reason, someone who overanalyzes situations, someone who is jittery and just worrying about everything. They cannot understand the reactions of their friends to what feel like normal occurrences.

TRUTH

You are NOT over-reacting and you are NOT too sensitive. 

Every person with anxiety has what are called triggers. This can be objects, people, social events, situations, etc. that will trigger a physical response of anxiety. Each trigger is based on the individual and can be attributed to many different things.

One of my triggers is oppositional conversations. I know that sounds silly, but it comes from a traumatic childhood experience, where my words in conversation were constantly used against me in a very negative way. So now I have an “irrational” fear of conversations that result in disagreement. When the conversation starts to feel like its going in that direction my heart starts pounding, and I get panicky and I get a feeling like I need to run away, even if I’m only speaking with them over the computer or phone. I feel trapped like I’m in a cage.

This may seem like an “over-reaction” to some, but in reality it is just the result of anxiety running rampant in my body. Through therapy I have learned how to work through these moments of panic, and how to calm myself down. It has changed a lot for me, and has made life much easier.

 

Misconception #3:

“There are people who have it much worse so stop complaining”

Because you haven’t cut your wrists, or jumped out of a window, or had a psychotic break, you can clearly deal with it and you can get over it.

TRUTH

Your feelings are VALID and deserve to be recognized.

Just because others are “worse” than you does not mean that the way you feel is not valid and that you do not need help just as much as others. You feel the way you feel, and your level of pain is your reality. You deserve to be 100%, and sometimes in order to be 100% you need someone to help you with that.

I remained silent about my suicidal ideations and attempts for years because I felt like it wasn’t valid enough to mention. I felt like, because I didn’t have physical evidence of any of it, it wasn’t worthy to be told.

But my story is worthy! My story does matter! Whether or not I went through with it, those thoughts became part of my every day, and made my story more difficult. To this day I still have urges (like standing on a bridge I feel a sudden urge to jump for no reason), but because I finally spoke up and asked for help, I am able to push those urges aside, and I’d like to say that I have not had suicidal  thoughts or attempts in several years! All because someone told me I was worth it and helped me overcome it.

 

Misconception #4:

“You’re faking it to get attention.”

You don’t really have anxiety you’re just trying to make us feel sorry for you. You’re not depressed you’re just pouting and making up excuses to seek self-pity.

TRUTH

You are not faking it!! Please know that you what you feel is real, and just because others don’t understand doesn’t mean your feelings don’t matter.

I’ve been told time and again “Everyone gets nervous/sad. You’re just over-reacting to get sympathy from others.” That is why I remained silent for so long, because I started to believe the lie. Maybe I was faking it. Maybe my feelings weren’t real, and I was just over-reacting to get sympathy….

No that was not true at all! I was not faking it! My involuntary responses were and still are out of my control! But with help I have found ways of coping when things get bad through different coping skills and techniques! Now I have fewer anxiety attacks, and when they do happen I can slow the progression so they don’t get as bad as they used to.

You can do it too!

You were made and created to be loved and understood and to enjoy this life!!! When things try to steal your joy, you have every right to stand up and say NO!! I will not stand for this!! I will fight through this and find my joy again! You have the power and ability to do it!!

The truth?

You are strong!

You are brave!

Your story matters!

 

For resources again visit the Anxiety and Depression Association of America website at adaa.org